Table of Contents
What is a cuddle event
As I talk about on the home page, cuddle event is an organized group cuddle. That is it is a group even with the expressed purpose to cuddle with a lot of different people. No it is not required to cuddle with a lot of people, and in fact no cuddle or even touching is required, it is just that is purpose of the event and the reason most people go to them.
This concept started in the USA by a group called Cuddle Party and has gained much acceptance if not outright popularity there, and I want to see if this catches on here in Iceland. To be clear I am not affiliated with Cuddle Party organization in any way, just want to give them credit for being pioneers in this field. I’ll do my best to respect their intellectual property while I go my own way after being so inspired by them.
Types of Cuddle Events
There are two different types of cuddle events, structured and unstructured. Let me explain each separately. Both types have one thing in common, consent is require and should negotiated in detail. That means that you are not required to touch anyone or let anyone touch you.
Most organization only offer structured events, and when people speak of cuddle event they almost always are speaking of what I’m calling structured events.
In this type of event, as the name implies there is a lot of structure.
- These are strictly platonic non sexual event which would be totally appropriate for toddlers walk in on, etc. That is often a guiding principle, if you wouldn’t want a three year old to see you or hear you, then you need to stop and adjust.
- Anything sexual, erotic, etc. are strictly prohibited. If you try to go there, you will be ejected despite consent.
- These are super safe and you are in complete control of who you interact with and how. These are the safest events you will ever attend, bar none.
- There is a facilitator that is running the show and guiding the whole experience
- There is set start time and duration is typically 2-3 hours. No one is admitted to the event after has started. However you are free to leave anytime.
- There are a number of rules
- Strict dress code, often sweats and t-shirt mandatory
- Behavior rules, such as nothing that would not appear in a G rated movie
- Restriction on what you say and talk about, such as don’t talk about anything that wouldn’t be in PG movie
- Touching of chest area and groins is strictly prohibited even if there is enthusiastic consent.
- There is a specific agenda
- Start by going over the rules and make sure everyone understand and will comply
- There is always a lesson on consent, what it is and how to ask for it respectfully. Emphasis is made on being extra careful with asking for consent, going overboard with consent requests is usually the motto.
- There are various warm up exercises, usually always one involving practicing saying no, and accepting no.
- Free form cuddle time
- Debrief and review
These types of events typically have no structure to them, they are usually run more like a club than a formal event. Like the structured event the focus and purpose is to cuddle, the big difference is that there are no rules defining that or how far people want to go. The big overarching rule is enthusiastic consent is required for everything.
- There is a door opens and door close times, often 4-6 hours, and people come and go as they please
- There are no rules of any sort, people are expected to regulated themself, show good judgement and negotiate consent as appropriate.
- If you are not observing consent you will be ejected and barred
- There is no leader and no program, only club staff. You just show up and find a cuddle partner or a group and negotiate from there
- There is no dress code, wear whatever you want.
- These are also very safe to attend, you are much safer at this type of event than at any normal club in the world.
- These events can tend to be more on the R or X rated scale in terms of what might see or hear. Not always the case but it is important to be prepared for that.
This is not the type of event for people that object seeing nudity, are sensitive talk about sex and other adult discussions and don’t like to hear vulgarity or swearing. If you are that type, you would be more comfortable at a structured event.
At an unstructured event anything goes as long as it is between consenting adults. When I say anything goes, I mean that literally so let your imagination run wild as to what may happen at these type of events. The literally only rule is that you have clear, unambiguous and enthusiastic consent between all parties directly involved.
Cuddle Geek Cuddle Events
I want to offer both type of cuddle events if there is demand for that. To help me gauge which type to offer and when I would love it if you could take my short Survey Monkey survey.
Cuddle Geek Unstructured event
For unstructured events it would be just that, totally unstructured. However you will need to be vetted to be allowed to attend an unstructured event. During this vetting I ensure you understand what this event is all about and that you are likely to enjoy it. You will be quizzed on consent and grilled on the importance of consent and informed that if you don’t honor consent you will ejected and barred.
Cuddle Geek Structured Cuddle Event
For a structured event I plan to follow the structure that outlined before.
- Dress code: Anything you are comfortable laying around in and lounging around in mixed company. Think communal sleeping area during your work retreat where kids may be around.
- Arrive on time, late arrivals will not be admitted
- Leave anytime you wish, no explanation needed. Notifying the facilitator is a very nice gesture. You can ask for refund of the admission fee if you have to leave early.
- Adherence to the dress code is required for the entire event
- Avoid groin and chest area at all times
- Erotic touches or touches with erotic intent are prohibited
- Communicate your needs, wishes and desires as clearly as you can
- You can both ask to be touched in a certain way as well as request to touch someone else. Be detailed and specific in your request. Remember consent.
- Get consent every step of the way, if you feel you are asking too much, then you might be asking enough. There is no such thing as asking too much during this event.
- When asking for consent, maintain respectful distance and neutral position, while waiting for an answer.
- You are never required to touch anyone.
- If you aren’t totally enthused about the request you should say no, or at least not right now. Negotiation is also allowed. For example “how about we do X instead”. If you are not HECK YES, then you are no. There is no maybe, kind of, or other in between answers.
- You are allowed if not encouraged to change your mind at any time. Please communicate, for example “that’s enough” or “how about we…”, “I’m going to go …” or just negotiate a new scenario.
- Ask a facilitator if you have questions.
- Expressing emotions is encouraged
- What happens at a cuddle party stays at the cuddle party. This means no sharing who was at the party or what was said. Respecting peoples privacy is cornerstone.
- Arrival, mingle, change, get ready, etc.
- Welcome gathering. Doors are locked at this point and no one new will be admitted. All attendees gather around the facilitator
- Review of the rules and everyone verbally accepts the rules and commits to following them
- Lesson in consent, with exercises
- Lesson in saying no
- Free-form cuddle
- Closing gathering. Attendees gather around the facilitator for some closing remarks, review and final thoughts.